Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
