After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
