Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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