soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
