dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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