Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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