$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
