So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
