So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
