I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
