I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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