There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
