let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to cum in my sink.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
