You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
