I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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