How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
