you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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