the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
