lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
