@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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