1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
