My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
