you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
