remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
