someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
