sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
