Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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