Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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