ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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