I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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