fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
