you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
