if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
