I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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