I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
