I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your penis caused this!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
