Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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