Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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