Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
