break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
