3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
