Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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