rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
