i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
