That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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