Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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