I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
