this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
