so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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