I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
