Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
as a side note pls kill me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
